i feel tired. exhausted, really.
had particularly horrible nightmares last night- unfortunately i didn’t write them down. i know there was blood and violence and possibly cannibalism- those things have been a theme in my nightmares lately.
The new volunteer (through a clinic my secondary therapist runs) came again today. She was really nice- I didn’t get to do as much as I’d wanted but- it was something. (Need to go get the laundry I had to leave in earlier now, from that.) And my very neurotic/shy cat allowed herself to be brought out and even petted (and purred, and licked her- very big praise, from Her Catness).
My appointment with Dr.F (psychiatrist) went surprisingly well. (She- the time before last she flipped out and yelled at me, and still wasn’t good last time. Yes, I am working on finding a replacement- haven’t told her yet). She was cordial, she didn’t give me crap about my prn of Klonopin, she even increased the Prazosin I take for nightmares. (And that’s probably why I’m still up- the nightmares, not the meds. They were- particularly bad last night).
I actually went out after that- just to Barnes and Noble to browse books and drink iced tea while waiting for my scripts to be filled at the pharmacy, but these days (hell, most of the time) that’s still big. Oh, and to freak out about money, as money is being *particularly* bad this month (thought living on nine hundred dollars a month in the Bay Area is never, ever easy). But- I managed to text my therapist, who called me back (I hadn’t actually asked- though I was glad she did. Apparently I’d forgotten I was supposed to be checking in with her still). It helped.
Damn. I just- don’t want to sleep. Well, no- I don’t want to dream, really. And since I don’t remember what I’ve been dreaming about, there’s not a lot I can do to actually process it yet, really. (I’d expected to have J. here, visiting, sharing my room with me. Yes, that still hurts.)